The (im) perfect woman

This post has been sitting in my drafts for sometime now .I wanted to make this post on women’s day but since yesterday I have come across so many takes on this that I almost decided not to post but then today morning I changed my mind. There is surely enough space in blogsphere for all our rants.

This is the star plus anthem, if you have not watched it, pls do so now.

So did you like it? Did it fill your heart with pride and respect for the women who is all in one and plays all the roles to perfection with a sublime smile?

Well I loved the music score and hated everything else about it.

Let’s start at the beginning, when the women kind first ventured into education and job world she was questioned and chastened that she will not be then able to do her duty as a wife, mother and DIL. Her answer to all these allegations was to prove that she could do both and manage everything beautifully. She would take women friendly jobs like teaching, state bank employee etc etc. Kudos to those few women who dared to step outside and prove that they could do it all (I am sure they had to deal with loads of problems along the way). As years went by, all jobs including teaching became demanding and now we have reached a point when nothing is as easy as it looks.

I remember my ammama (maternal grandmother) wanted my mother to be exactly like this slim, good looking superwoman in star plus. She wanted her to wake up early, do exercise, fix coffee and breakfast for husband and in-laws, care for their health, make time to romance with her husband, fix nutritious lunch for her two children, be social and fun with neighbors, be devout and traditional when required and slip into a glamorous saree while entertaining, keep a good paying job and do extremely well at it. She should be adored by one and all and should never bitch about anyone. I could go on and on but you get the idea. For whatever it was worth my mother did really try hard to do it all but it was never enough for my ammama.

Amma if you are reading this I want you to know that you achieved so much by just trying and I applaud you for that alone, I on the other hand don’t even want to try and will not try. My ammama tried her best to nurture these values in me and well she failed.

In my ammama’s defense she just wanted the best for her daughter and grand daughters along her limited vision. She did belong to an all together different generation which had very different variables when compared to ours. I want to ask the people, especially the women who belong to this generation, are you been fair? Forget fairness, are you even human to expect such super human feats from yourselves and your fellow women? For look around you, the men in your lives have not moved an inch and continue to play only limited roles. No one expects anything more of them today than they did say two generations ago. All they require to be applauded is to take care of their parents even after marriage ( aka live with them) and make a decent living. It is still justified and considered normal if the man can’t even lift his own towel before going to bath and all those men who do deign to take out the garbage are looked up to as demi god’s and their wives have to listen endlessly to comments like “How lucky you are. Your husband takes the trash out” to no end! Hello, why are expectations with regard to our men in our life so low? Have you ever heard a man been called lucky just because his wife is working at an IT company?

This piece represents everything wrong with our society today. Some glaring points are-do the woman and her husband have no duty towards her parents? Where is she making time for them? Why should every perfect woman live with her in laws?How can she be so happy to be overworked and live in family where she does everything? How is that she has no bad days on which she over eats and becomes overweight? What about acne? What about the recalcitrant child? Why does she not have a daughter? How about some moody days where she is just upset and irritated for no particular reason? When does she find time to have a good cry? Why can she not be unreasonable at times? Why should she always be adjusting and tolerant? Why can she not do something or vice verse because she wishes it that way?

Women are just as human as men and deserve to be loved and celebrated even when they are not perfect.

The woman and the different roles she plays have been discussed and written about to ad nauseam levels. Really, not many seem to celebrate her with her imperfections and inability to play all roles to perfection at the same time. Almost everyone expects her to forget that she is human first, then a woman and then everything else. All articles start with how girl turns into a woman, does her duty as a sister, daughter, wife,DIL , mother and then dies as the ever loving grandma. I am not scoffing at this woman. In fact kudos to her. All I am saying is that an office going career woman who is single has as much reason to be applauded as a homemaker. A woman who is not a biological mother deserves to loved and appreciated as much as anyone else. A woman who cares for her parents should be looked up to for she is daring to be different. No woman should have to do it all to deserve our respect and appreciation.

This clip would have been far better if every frame/scene had a different woman doing something different in it. Had it shown real women, in all their imperfections coping in different roles at different walks of life it might have stuck a cord.

On a lighter note, I wonder what kind of video this would have been if the lead protagonist had been a man? What would we as a generation have to show and applaud about the different roles of men in our life’s?

At the risk of censure from almost all educated women (Yes, we women do expect our kind to be ever tolerant and adjusting- one has to only look at the bashing the few women receive for simply saying they don’t want to live with their in-laws for whatever reason), for daring to say things that are politically incorrect, I press the submit button.

Happy woman’s day.


neeti said...

haha.. glad you felt this way. I watched the video, and it became unbearable at about 00:45. I had to skip large chunks of it and almost missed the tiny bit in the end they had of her being a TV anchor (which in essence is another one of the traditional women-friendly jobs, but no offense- I wish I could be one too).

I was wondering what made you post this video, and felt much better after reading the rest of the post :)

Her smile is only worse than the way all shots are in slanted sunlight.

Raaga said...

Oh well K... this is a topic that's been beaten to death and then some... I always say that a woman is woman's biggest enemy... whether a man wants her to fulfil those traditional roles, another woman would scoff if she chooses otherwise.

My MIL who stays at home, goes shopping and expects her husband to make dinner... hates it when I (who was out from 7 am to 9 pm) even ask my husband to switch off the gas and says things like, "Mere bete se khana banvati ho?" It's another matter that he does all the chopping and all the cleaning up (of entire house) without having to be asked to. But yes, some women can't stand it... and my MIL is probably younger than your mom... while my mom could be your Ammamma's age :-) It is not as much generation and age as it is outlook.

lipstick said...

@ neeti- Thanks for reading

@ raaga- Ya. But that tu hi tu clip really got to me hence the post. What you say is correct, I also know many young women ( our age group) who still think like they belong to the generation of our great grand parents.

fullmoononearth said...

"This clip would have been far better if every frame/scene had a different woman doing something different in it."
Totally agree with u on that one. This seems like the creation of one of the Mega length soap director's.
Anyway, I for one have minimal expectations from myself as a wife and in general. (I won't deny that I do feel a li'l bad about not being a superwoman like my mom, but WTH :)) And I have quite some expectations from my husband. I keep dropping hints that I want him to share the marriage equally. And household chores, bringing up our children, taking care of our parents and the rest of the family etc... all is a part of it. Beyond this, it's upto him. I don't see myself capable of being that woman they show in the clip. That clip is not at all something I can relate to.

Hip Grandma said...

My mother too wanted me to be the perfect daughter in law - forget my mother in law who at least had the right to dream. i failed both in that I had no intention of fulfilling this expectation. To their credit I must say they accepted me with my faults and learned to deal with the imperfect me!

lipstick said...

@ FME- :) I feel you. You should start blogging again. I am sure you will have loads to write when you start.

@ Hip Grandma- Kudos to your mom and mil for accepting you as you are!

Back to Top