So I have these set of ideal principles I believe in, but when these include anyone more than just myself, I often find that I cannot impose what I believe on them. Even if I am right, even if they agree with me, even if they are ready to make speeches and blogs on them, there are hardly any who are willing to put what they say into actual actions.
Let me explain with a very simple example. I have always believed that marriage cost must be borne equally by both the bride and the bridegroom, but much to my dismay, I could not get my way during my own marriage, nor my sisters. The progressive men we married did not think much of it( P still changes the topic when I talk about anything even close to this and says he did spend an almost equal amount on various expenses/reception ). Basically, it was a non issue with pretty much everyone. Now I am subjected to listen to my in laws talk along the same lines of my bro-in law's wedding. (No, they are not looking at dowry etc, just that equal cost splitting is not even in the radar) I usually make my escape when the topic comes up, lest I say something I really feel.Is that cowardly of me? Maybe. Or is it just being more sensible? For lately I have realized that there are somethings one just cannot change and any attempt to do will only upset the delicate balance.
The key to a peaceful life, lies in the capacity and strength to accept the things that we cannot change. Maybe if inclined, we can seek the courage to change the things in our control. Most importantly we need to understand the difference, and act accordingly.
As Reinhold Niebuhr has written in The Serenity Prayer (1934) reads:
"God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other"
Ps- I have heard many people in Bombay , do split the wedding expenses.