I am one of those people who always looks ahead and plans for tomorrow and by tomorrow I do not mean literally, for that is something I would have done many many months ago. Basically, a person who thinks long term and tries to always look at the bigger picture.Most times far too much. There have been times when it would occur to me that in my quest to search for things that I want, I often don’t take pleasure in things that I did not ask for but are there for my taking. Whenever I realize this, I would make a promise to myself about taking life at a leisurely pace but have always failed. Until now.
Last night before sleeping my mind was wandering and I realized, for once I did not know where I was going in Life. My plans have all gone awry and I have no back up. I kept trying to conjure up a picture of P and me 2 years from now and just could not…I did not have any of the details. So I decided to make it easier and break it down and ask myself some random questions but was appalled to find that answer to almost everything was “I don’t know”.
Where will you be living two years from now?
I don’t know.
Will you have a child?
I don’t know.
Will you be working?
For as long as I can remember the answer to that has always been yes but now I don’t know.
It left me bereft and feeling lost. Thankfully I dozed of somewhere after that...
Today morning (In a much improved disposition) as I watched the sunrise from my kitchen(it’s a beautiful picture – will take a snap of it and post it sometime) while drinking my morning tea , I picked up where I left last night. Maybe it is not bad to live for the day. Love the day. Rue the day. Fly though the little highs. Sail though the momentary change in winds and tide over the bad weather. Completely ignore the big picture. Like shoving everything on the table at night and leaving it clean for the next day. You get the idea?
The more I think about it, the more it makes sense, if the world is really going to end soon, it might be a good idea to take up whatever that comes our way. Though it is a very difficult thing to do, it is worth living trying.