Cut to 6 years back. One surprisingly pleasant July afternoon, two women sat amongst ten others in a crowded college cafeteria and talked about men, love and marriages. An otherwise trite situation and even more clichéd conversation, replayed over and over till there was no dimension left untouched, but for the fact that there was something very important, we unknowingly touched that pleasant afternoon. The whole idea came back to me yesterday. All of a sudden many words which have been repeated to ad nauseam levels in past suddenly seemed to make more sense than before. Read on to know more…
I have always felt the most delicate relationship is that of a woman to her son. Yes, not to her daughters, as I feel that mothers and daughters already have a woman to woman bond, which matures with years. So a mother-daughter relationship is not just of a mother to child, but also has a woman to woman dimension thrown in somewhere. (Sometimes diluted, other times dilated)At this point I must add that this is something I have cherished and am very grateful for as I have a lovely mother and an equally lovely sister. Now coming back to mother-son; since there is no such gender bond, it becomes imperative that every woman bring up her son with that extra care and reason, which she will want any man who interacts with her to have.
In India many times women get so carried away with having a son angle, that this important factor often gets diluted amongst the resonating echoes of “My son is in IIT”, “ My son got into IAS” et all. Weird though it may sound to all those who do not know Indians, it is true our lives are governed by two rules;
1. Good boys from good families should make it to IIT, else will be rated as slightly less eligible in the matrimonial mart (Yes, everything in life culminates at the matrimonial mart. It’s like the final showdown!)
2. Good girls from good families should have perfected the art of cooking and singing. A professional degree and an “Infosys/TCS” job is a definite add-on”.
But I digress; today we are talking only about sons. So in the mad race to get our sons into the hallowed institutions and later basking in reflected glory, we forget that a double degree does not necessarily make them decent, reasonable and sensitized human beings. Pardon me if I appear prejudiced, but I cannot help it as I have met/known more than enough men who are so observed with self that little else matters to them. Please note, I am not saying that by rule all double degree successful good boys from good families are rude and arrogant and lesser human beings than others, but just that many of them do grow up to become that. Of course there are exceptions always and I can even safely wager that many of them do change with time. (Maybe when they have daughters’?) The crux is that we would have much more finely turned out men if mothers would bring up their sons like the men they would want their daughters to marry.
Given how closely coupled womanhood is with motherhood, that day in the college cafeteria, we had decided that the best compliment a woman can give a man is to tell him that she hopes her sons would be just like him. Even as I write this I have a faint inkling that I might have just found the man to whom I would want to say this to…Time alone will tell if I have actually hit the nail on the head with this post or not.