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Anamika’s Diaries-1

My eyes skim through the invitation that my mother has thrust in my hands and hear her tell me “Anandam mami’s son is getting married...bhla …bhla…” So you are marrying some Rashmi. She tells me it’s a “love marriage”. That is just lovely!! Every one seems to be love but me!! Very well you go ahead; I shall wait for my prince charming. In the mean while I take this as yet another occasion for me show off my saree collection which would surely die a sad death but for such invitations. As I ran my eyes through the various saree options, I could not help but think how you looked like now? Try as much I can only picture a sooty little face and a mischievous smile with hair on the head that never would lie down…

I am taken backwards 20 years when I used to wait for you to come calling…The clock never progressed to five as fast I wanted. At the strike of five a little face would peep through the door way and say “Aunty can she play with me”, then after taking “permission” and “warnings” to come back before dark (Of course my kid sis who was always destined to be an “upku chappa”, would tag along….), off we would go to device “dangerous war” scenes where I would invariably have to “die” in the end! I remember following you around like a little puppy, hanging on to every word that you said and rejoicing in childish glee when you conceded at times (rare they were) to my ideas, but to my utmost disappointment I could never get you to play “House” with me…It was always war and guns…and sometimes even the gangster games…but never teacher teacher…Among all theses faint memories one that is stark clear is the time when you pushed me down in a “war” and I actually got hurt on a sharp piece of glass( I still carry the mark on my knee)…But I bit my lip and continued playing lest you deem me sissy and remove me from all these games…now that I think about it, you never even realized I was hurt…you never cared; Now that is my general distrust in men speaking is it not? Maybe you were just a little kid of seven years; lonely enough to resort to playing with a “girl” who had kid sis on tow…I don’t know…

Most of friends who belong to my little inner circle now, are there because I can talk to them about my deepest desires and fears. For me relationships are about communicating and being there...about endless conversations on the most absurd topics…about loads of laughter and giggles for all the silly reasons you can think off…but you belong to a different realm all together…the only one with whom I have played war. The only one for whom I never let a tear drop…Twenty years of not seeing and only hearing the “news” of you scaling every middle class Indian dream, has still not changed what you are to me- my first friend. Will seeing you today change all that? Will you remember? I wonder…

3 comments:

Neeti said...

But this is the most touching ever. It hits home; particularly for me.
You know, everyday I check caffeineandmusing before even mp3shits.com??? Thanks for this wonderful post.

Caffeinism said...

Dusty dear which post do u mean? The "cancered death one"?

Mukund said...

nice post....brings back lots of memories for me!

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